Updated: May 16, 2019
THERE ARE A whole lot of unsavory lifestyles in the Swampy Court of my backyard, but no lifestyle is as lowly as that of the Dungistrator, who spends his days digging through fact-turds, molding the stuff into balls, and rolling them around.
Pictured here is an ancestor of Kitsap County administrator Frank Miaocco and Kitsap Juvenile Court Services Director Michael Merringer, the solar deity Khepri had the face of a dung beetle, because like the insect rolls its turds, the god rolled the sun across the sky every day; So too Mr.Frank Miaocco, Dungistrator at Superior Court and his counter-part Michael Merringer the Turdistrator at juvenile services roll the fact-dung around the courthouse swamp with the delusion that they are authoritarian gods by their genetic heritage.
Many don’t realize just how hard these Dungistrators (masquerading as administrators) work to roll up all the facts and bury them so the Judges don’t have to worry about dealing with Justice. As such, These scarab beetle-human hybrids are worshiped by the Judges:
Yep! There's a tiny dried up piece of poo they missed.The evidence that these little guys spend their days digging through fact turds, molding the stuff into balls, and rolling them around to bury them deep in the ground where they’ll never see the light of day again- much to each Judge’s delight.
The average dungistrator can bury fact-turds 250 times heavier than itself in one night. These 2, Frank and Mike, working together are able to spin balls of turdy, poo-dripping facts and whisk them away at a speed so fast you’ll never know what happened to the Justice that they buried so deep it can never be served.
Inherent of their species, the two of these guys fly around the courthouse in search of fact-manure deposits, or fact-pats. Gathering any facts they find laying around and rolling them all into balls they will bury deep underground later. Similar to their ancestral god cousin Khepri they roll the fact-turds along until they disappear just as the sun emerges and vanishes every day.
It’s all a matter of efficiency. Because it’s never just one dungistrator beetle to one pile of fact-doo-doo, the dungistrator beetles need to move quickly with their goods or risk being caught. They’ll viciously defend fact-poo balls from being discovered even shoving them into dark crevices or tossing them back and forth to each other like a game of monkey in the middle over the heads of those who are looking for them in order to make sure no one will ever be able to use the facts that are rolled up into the poo-balls.
So by following the whims of the Judges as reference points instead of State Rules, Laws or even ethics, these dungistrators can guarantee a hasty escape of any legitimate appearance of justice by following a perfectly straight path to a burrow, instead of wandering around wasting time. (Forget “as the crow flies.” It should be “as the dungistrator rolls.”)
And it’s this behavior that makes the dungistrator so pivotal to so many administrations. This is especially true among the great herds of the Family Court System, which drop a staggering amount of plops.